Hard decisions

It was hard getting up this morning. So hard that I went back to sleep as soon as I turned off the alarm. I have been so tired the whole week but don't know why. I need the weekend.

We had a meeting with my boss yesterday and it went great, and not so great. The good thing is that they want to hire me when my mentor retires in the end of September. The bad thing is that it's not full time, only 60% and I won't be able to live on that kind of money. I have to talk to my case worker about that next wednesday. And May 25th we are having another meeting with my boss so I guess we'll talk about it with her as well. I hope we can figure something out so I get to be there full time because I like that place a lot. But I have to be able to pay my bills too.

I went to a parent-teacher conference with Maja yesterday and as always it was all good. She is between 85% - 100% in all classes but gym class. There they are still going by how well they could swim in third grade and she had a hard time with learning how to swim. I think they should be going by what she has done this semester but I guess not.

Today I got a lot to do at home, I was to tired to do it yesterday because I got home late from the parent-teacher conference. I can't wait for tonight when the kids have gone to bed so I can curl up in bed with J and watch some tv shows, be close and just let go of everything I'm thinking about with money and all that.

Time for a meeting

As usual I woke Leo up at 6.30 am so he has time for a shower before school and didn't think about that they are going to the bath-house so he's showering there, so he could stay in bed for another 30 minutes. Insted I went to wake up J and stayed in bed longer than I planed. But its so nice to curl up against him.

Today after my internship I'm taking the bus to the store and then home to drop everything off. After that there is a parent-teacher conference with Maja. I already know that everything is fine but it's one of those things where you as a parent just have to do it. That means that I won't have time to do laundry today but so be it. I got the whole weekend later to do it.

We went to bed late so I'm not too fresh today. So I hope I have time after to curl up on the couch. I did it yesterday but the phone kept ringing and buzzing so I didn't get much rest. Better luck today.

Yesterday Maja was shopping for presents with my aunt. My aunt couldn't come when we celebrated Majas birthday so they went down town yesterday insted. Maja picked three books and some felt pens.

Today my case worker comes to my internship as well. He does it every wednesday. I think it's a bit to often, we don't have that much to talk about when everything is going just fine. I don't think anyone else would come to the meeting either. I do need to inform him on when I'm taking my summer leave so I guess I'll do that today.

Time again!

Oh no, it's that time of year again. Time for the Eem cup in basketball. Swedens biggest basketball cup, and of course Majas team are in it. Which means that it's gonna be basketball around the clock this weekend. I hate it! One game here or there I don't mind but now it really is around the clock. Early mornings and late nights all weekend. Today they will meet up at 1.30 pm for the first game. Lucky for me they only have one game today. Then after it ends we will go home and get something for a quick dinner, then down town for the official opening ceremony at 8 pm and it ends at 9.30 pm. Then it's just home and go to bed because tomorrow the alarm sounds at 6 am. Like I said, I hate it.

But before then we are gonna spend the day at the internship. It will be fine. Yesterday the boss wanted to talk to me, she was wondering how I felt it was going and stuff like that and I took the change to ask her about my vacation. I can take it when ever I want so I took weeks 28, 29, 30, 31. The first week the kids are away with their dad so it will just be me and J. At first I was gonna work that week but then I thought that it can be nice with some alone time just him and me without the kids.

After the internship I'm going to the store before I go home and wait for Leo to quit. After that Kalle is coming to pick us up and takes us to the first game. Or we would never be there on time. Plus we are at a new place and I don't know the way.

Happy birthday!

The boss was double booked yesteryday so she couldn't be at the meeting with my case worker. Insted one of the teamleaders was with us and he only had good things to say. And when my case worker told him that in the fall it's time to talk about employment he thought it sounded good. I was so happy!

After I was done I took the bus to the store and got what I needed and then home and do what needed to be done there. I did two loads of laundry and fixed the balcony after they painted it before I crashed on the couch and went to sleep for an hour. Maja was at her practice and Leo was with a friend so it was so quiet at home. I wasn't even thinking about going to sleep, I was just gonna lay down and watch some tv. But then I fell a sleep.

Today it's first the internship and then the store. I need to think about something to eat. At home it's not that much to do but I think I'll do som laundry. As always.

Maja has  basketball practice today as well so it will only be me and Leo at home. We'll see if J will be eating here today, he did yesterday. It depends on when he's coming.

And today my little girl has her birthday. 12 years old! How could that happen? It was only yesterday she was a little girl that wanted to sleep in my bed every night and now she only has one year left until she is a teenager.

When everything goes wrong.

Today it went a whole lot easier to get up. It can have something to do with us turning the tv off at 10 pm and started getting ready for bed. Then it took some time to get in to bed but that's another thing.

Since Maja went to her dad for a few hours yesterday and Leo was away with Kalle I curled up on the couch for a nap. It was a really crappy day yesterday, everything went wrong. I had such pms that I felt like crying all day, my thumb nail broke (lucky for me I have an appointment friday), I almost forgot my bag with my bus pass and the key to work, I cut myself on a box how ever that happend, I forgot to take my usual shoes to work and took the boots insted. Everything that could go wrong went wrong. The only thing to do then is to take a nap and hope that it's better when I wake up. And it was. Leo came home and has gotten a new phone number at the Telenorstore, since his old card wasn't registered they couldn't se a puk-code so they gave him a new sim-card insted.

Today I have a meeting with my case worker, the boss will be there as well. What ever she will say since she has been on vacation for two weeks. But I'm nervous. What if she isn't happy with me. I hope she is and that I get to stay. I don't think she will say something bad, but of course you worry. It's her opinion that counts the most.

Then when I'm done for the day I'm taking the bus to the grocery store and get something for dinner, don't know what yet. Then home and take care of the home. I need to clean, fix the balcony that I didn't care about yesterday, do laundry that I didn't care about doing yesterday, and just pick up stuff and clean. If I have any time I will read, my books that I was gonna mail the company about finally came so now I have a whole book series to read.

My thumb nail

Friday feeling

I was so tired today as well when the alarm started to sound. So when that happend I stayed in bed for a while. To be in bed next to J is the best that is. Nothing is better than that.

Yesterday I cleaned the bathroom so now there isn't much that needs to be done here. I'm gonna vaccum and scrub the floors. That's it. Then we are ready for saturday and Majas birthdayparty.

But before I can do all of that I have a day at my internship that I need to do. I like it so much there and it feels like I'm in the right place. Sure, not everything is super fun, but when is it ever? But if you look at the big picture it's fun and that is what makes it worth it to get up early every morning.

Morning coffee at the internship

Almost done

Today it was hard getting up, God how I'm longing for the weekend and sleeping in. I just want to sleep!

The meeting with my case worker yesteryday went great. With us was my supervisor for the archive and she was more than happy. She thinks that I'm quick to learn and it's easy for me to understand. I think Lilith was sitting there and looking really happy. Next week the boss are gonna be with us, it will be fun to see what she has to ssay.

When I got home I cleaned the tiles over the stove and then the stove. And then I spilled it again when I was cooking. Just like me. So I had to clean it again.

The rest of the afternoon I spent reading, I didn't sleep on the couch. I got stuck in a biography and was sitting there until it was time to start dinner.

Today it's the bathroom that will be getting my attention. I'm not looking forward to it, lucky for me it's easy to clean. Then I'm pretty much done with everything that I need to get done, only the floors left and I will do them on friday.

The good news continues

Yesterday on the breakfast break when we were talking the branch head (I think she is) Pia said that they were thinking of sending me on a training course for the archive and the system. That it looks like I will stay and it's a good investment for them if I learn everything. I was so happy, that must mean that they are happy with me. Those courses aren't cheap and that they want to send me on one is a good sign.

After the internship I went home to clean all the kitchen cabinets doors. Oh my lord how boring it is. But the end result was good. I got a whole new kitchen. God help the one that spills anything on them now. But I cheated and didn´t do the tops of the cabinets that are over the sink, it wasn't anything there. Didn't feel like taking a chair and climb up and down. So I just took the worst.

Today I will go through the curtains I got from my mom so I finally can remove the garbage disposal bags that's in the living room. They have been there for a while so it's about time. And I will get rid of the old shelf for the bathroom that is in a box and taking up space in the living room. I need to do a little every day so I'm finished for saturday.

Then we have the every day stuff like laundry, cleaning and grovery shopping. I need to think of something to eat. Before I leave. But I still have time, I don't leave  until 8.30 am. J is having a coffee. I played nice girlfriend and made coffee while he was in the shower. I just woke up the munchkins and no it's getting time to get ready and do what needs to be done before it's time to leave.

Will there even be a new blog?

Oh God how tired I am. We were in bed talking last night, me and J, as we often do. So the time just went flying by before we got to sleep. So I took my sleeping pills late and I can still feel the effect of them. So for the moment everything is a bit fuzzy.

That whole thing with looking for a design didn't go great. I spent hours looking and couldn't find a single one. Not even one to use as a ground to keep building on. And even though I seached for free designs I almost only found ones that costs and that won't happen. I won't pay $50-$70 for a design, that's just how it is. So worst case I will stay here on blogger. But I prefer Wordpress any day of the week. And do my own design is not an option. Sure, I could probably change how wide it is and stuff like that but nothing else. I was so disappointed.

Friday today and the last day at my internship for this week. Sure, I like it there, but it's so nice to have time off. Now I enjoy it more than when I just was home every day doing nothing. I look forward to the weekends in a whole new way.

The only bad thing is that the munchkins are going to their dad for the weekend and then it will be empty, silent and boring at home. But you just have to the the best of if and sleep in and stuff like that.

After my internship I'm going down town. The munchkins needs more socks, as always. I don't understand where theirs are going. Leo refuses to wear socks but at the community youth center he has to. Then I know that there were something else I was gonna buy, but I forgot what it was. We'll see if I can remember it when I get down there.

Then I will take the bus to the grocery store and shop for the weekend. I think I will buy a chicken salad for dinner today. J and I was talking about it last night and I wanted one so bad. Yes, I think I will today.

Munchkin,  you will be missed 

Morning panic

Oh god I woke up in a panic mode this morning. I overslept and woke up at 8 am and am suposed to leave for my internship at 8.30 am. Leo was still sleeping so I woke him up, made sure he had his breakfast and got himself ready and then I had to make myself ready. Didn't even have time to put on any make up.

I need to switch chairs at my internship because when we are putting away files my back hurts. Everyone has ergonomic chairs but me. So when the boss gets back on April 4th my supervisor will talk to her about getting me one as well. My back hurts all day long now. And I already have problems with my back and don't want any more problems.

When I got home J was in bed playing on his xbox and he still is. I had to do everything I usually do before I leave in the morning, plus everything I do when I get home. But now I'm finally done, just waiting for the laundry.

Internship and an late evening

What a great day it was yesterday.

We packed the munchkins in the car and left and they had no idea where we were going. They were so happy when we got there, they love Slagstaglass. But you'll get half ruined there, but if you look at how happy the munchkins got it was so worth it.

On the way home we dropped of J and then to the store to get dinner and then back home again. Since I'm not feeling that great we only had pasta and meatballs for dinner.

Today I got my internship. Can't say I'm in the mood for it when I feel the way I do but I think I can handle three hours. The only thing is that I'm so cold. As soon as I move I get cold. Right now I have on my pyjamas, my robe and a blanket and I'm still cold.

After my internship it's the bus to the store to get something for dinner and then back home to do some stuff around the apartment. I might sleep an hour on the couch, I need it. It depends on when J is coming over. He is going to the movies tonight and will be home late, I think I will probably have fallen a sleep. But he's coming over before the movie so he can take my keys so that he will get in even if I'm sleeping. I would like to get to sleep early feeling the way I do. And if I'm out of luck he won't be here until midnight and I don't wanna be awake for that long.

Kalle is coming over after work to try and help Js xbox to find the folders on the computer. On the tv there is only room for one hmdi so we have to change the cable every time we are switching between the mediacenter and the xbox J had with him last night. Kalle found some guide on the internet but it was in english and computer language in english only makes me confused.

An exciting adventure

How nice it was to get to sleep in. I woke up when J put his arm around me. I first woke up at 8 am and went out for a smoke, but managed to get back to sleep after. Then I slept until the worlds best boyfriend woke me up. 

Today we are going with Kalle to ÖoB to shop and after he is gonna color my hair. I'm gonna see if we can stop at the grocery store on our way back so I can get dinner as well. It will be todays exciting adventure. Since today is waffle day here in Sweden (yes, we have days for everything) that is what we are having for dinner, the munchkins made me. And I was gonna do meatballs and pasta since I feel lazy and tired today. 

The intership was so boring yesterday. Usually when I'm done in the kitchen I help Lisbeth in the archive but she was away yesterday. I still had stuff I could do in her office but she had locked her door so I couldn't get in. So I sat in one of the couches in the kitchen and play with my phon. Update Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Update Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Over and over again. She came back 15 minutes before my next shift in the kitchen begun so the only thing we had time to do was go through the mail. What saved me that hour I spent in the kitchen doing nothing was the enormous bowl of easter candy that was on the table.

A thursday that is like a friday

What a day I had yesterday. Everything that could go wrong went wrong. It all started when I overslept, which resulted in not having the time to do everything at home before I left. I also dropped the ashtray so everything fell out in the whole kitchen. It was just for me to take out the vacuum cleaner.

I get to my internshit and is making coffee and when it's ready I spill boiling hot coffee on my foot when I'm changing the filter in the machine. While I'm changing the filter the coffee keeps on poring even though there is no coffee pot there, coffee everywhere. It was just for me to whipe it up.

The meeting with my case worker went well at least. He thinks that we should keep doing 9-12 am for a few months before we start doing 9 am-2 pm. After that it's full time and the goal is of course me getting a job.

Today it was hard getting up. I woke up J and then it was time to get up. I made him coffee while he's in the shower. I have promised him that for days but it haven't been done for different reasons, like that we overslept yesterday and didn't have time for coffee. But now we had the time so it's waiting for him to get out of the shower.

After the internship it's the bus to the grocery store, just need to think of something for dinner. Then home and do some cleaning, I won't have time to fix everything before I leave today. I'm thinking of curling up on the couch as well. I either sleep for an hour or do some reading. Moved a lot of e-books over to the phone and started reading yesterday.


But first of all I need to get through my internship, the last day of the week since it's easter here in Sweden. I mostly looking forward to the coffee. I don't drink any at home before I leave, my stomach doesn't like it. So I always have a cup of coffee when I get there and has made some. Lovely!

Shit!

Well, this day didn't start good. I overslept and woke up at 7 am insted of 6.30 am. I don't know why the alarm didn't work. But I'm feeling a bit stressed right now. I'm leaving at 8.30 and have stuff to do. I don't think I will have time to clean before I go so I will just get ready and put on my make up.

Today my case worker are coming to visit to see how it's going. He will come once a week the first few weeks. I think that it's a bit to much but that is what the boss wanted so that's how it will be.

After my internship I'll take the bus to the store and get some dinner. I'm so in the mood for some chocolate so it's posible that some will come home with me. I still don't know what we are having but I have to think of something fast.

Even though I did laundry yesterday all the baskets are full so I will deal with that when I get home. It feels like I don't do anything else. How can there be so much laundry when I do it every day? I still haven't heard anything about a new machine. It was a few weeks since I called about it so you think that they will call me back soon.

Since I overslept there isn't any time for coffee now so that will have to wait until I get to my internship. Which means that I will get there with a headache. Lucky for me the coffee is the first thing that gets done when I get there.

Splinter in my soul

It sucks a little to have to get up at 6.30 when the kids aren't home. But when it's time for the internship it is. I have to think that I'm getting paid to go there, even if it's not a lot of money it's still money.

I suspect that K have been whispering in the kids ears again because an upset Leo called yesterday and wanted to stay for a few more day. I told him like it is, that he can't. I think that it's something that I and K should of have talked about because I know that he knows that Leo called me. Then he should have told Leo that it is something for me and K to discuss.

I would love it if me and K could communicate so good that the kids could be there every other week, but like it is now it's not gonna happen. How are we gonna talk about school trips, visits to the dentist and everything else when he doesn't call me and doesn't answer when I call? You just can't. And that is why I in court asked about help when we had the custody battle. And we still haven't gone on any meetings to learn how to communicate, three years later. That alone shows why every other week doesn't work when there is zero communication. I expect K to call me and talk, but no. As I said, zero communication. I honestly don't know what to do. I want to listen to what the kids want, but in this situation it doesn't work. But still, they are so big now that they should have some say in everything. This situation is not funny.

I was a bit upset after that call and it didn't get any better when Maja texted me about the same thing. She, who just recently started going to her dad on every other weekend texted and wanted to stay longer, and are using the same phrases as K does. No, then I think someone has been whispering in her ear. And that made me even more upset. So I texted J and asked him to come over, it was a few hours left before he would come and I didn't want to be alone. He answered that he would come over right away, and he did.

He is a big support in all of this. He listens, comes with advise and supports me. Lets me curl up in his arms and cover me in kisses and hugs me. What else could I ask for? I´m so lucky for having him.

I'm gonna wake him up at 8 am but before that I have stuff to do. I need to get ready and put on my make up, and call about my pipes in the bathroom. There is a leakage just under the roof. I don't think that they have tightend the pipes hard enough when they put them in. If I'm lucky I have time to do stuff around the apartment before it's time to leave. I need to think of something to eat so I can just take the bus to the grocery store when I'm done for the day at my internship. I was gonna go to the pharmacy as well when I'm there, I need to get more of my sleeping pills. I took the last ones last night when we went to bed.

At the internship

Enter the Maze

This weekend has been so good. It's sad that it's ending while at the same time it will be nice with a new week.

Yesterday we went down town to play pool with Jimmy and his girlfriend. Or, they played pool and I was drinking two Breezer insted. I don't play pool, I think it's boring. But it's fun to watch, it looks a lot more fun than it is. We had a great time and we'll have to do it again soon.

When we were done me and J went to the bus and only had to wait ten minutes. We stopped by the pizza place and bought something to eat in front of the tv while I was watching the hockey game. It didn't go so well. I'm a bit pissed off but it's only one game and far from over.

When we had finished our pizzas and I had a smoke we curled up under the blanket in bed and watched tv shows for the rest of the night. I rather spend a saturday night without the kids home like that with J than doing something else away from home without him. He is my better half that I have been missing a long time before I met him that night in June last year. 

Today I was gonna go home to Sara for a few hours, but I just don't have time. It's to much that needs to be done for when the munchkins get home tomorrow. I usually to everything on monday before they get home but now I got my internship. So there isn't much time lef. And when I'm finished there I have just enough time to do some grocery shopping and then home and do the usual before the munchkins comes home from school. So I have a lot to do today. Wash all their clothes, put on fresh sheets on their beds and stuff like that. And then all the usual things that you do every day.

When you aren't sick

The internship yesterday went great. At least until 30 minutes before I was finished for the day when Leo called and didn't feel well and wanted to come home so it was just for me to pack up my stuff. Lucky for me it's not that far away.

When I got home there was a munchkin that wasn't sick, only tired. I explained that tired is not a reason to go home from school because then no one would ever be in school. So he can go back to school today and I can go to my internship.

When I got home yesterday I curled up on the couch trying to rest, I was so tired. But I had to much coffee so I couldn't. So I made som more coffee and sat at the computer insted. That worked too.

After my internship today I'm going down town to drop of some papers. I was suposed to do that yesterday but didn't have time for it before I had to go home. I need to think of something to eat as well so I can take the buss to the grocery store without going home first. But I still have time, doesn't leave until 8.30 am.

But then again we are four people that are getting ready and need to use the bathroom. J will wake up soon and then he's gonna have a shower, I showered last night. Then the munchkins are getting ready and brushing their teeth and then I need to get ready, brush my teeth and put on my make up. So there is a line to the bathroom in the morning.

It's finally time!

The meeting yesterday went well. I was soooo nervous but it went so well that I'm starting today! Finally I have my internship. But what wasn't that fun is that insted of setting my alarm at 7 am I now have to set it at 6.30 am if I'm gonna have time to do everything in the morning. But it's so worth it.

Soon it's time to wake up the munchkins and J. At 7 am. I thought I would blog first. Then it's time to fight about the bathroom. The munchkins are gonna brush their teeth and J is gonna shower and get ready and then it's time for me to get ready. There is gonna be a line to the bathroom.

At 9 am my internship starts and then it ends at lunch. After that I need to go down town to drop of some papers so I get my money. Then I'm going home. I don't have to go to the grocery store today.

I suspect that I'm gonna be dead tired so I think I'll curl up under the blanket on the couch when everything is done at home.  Then I think Kalle is coming over for a coffee and see how everything went today so I'll have to try to not sleep to much on the couch.

I'll end the day with a shower. I have shower at night. Mostly because I'm to lazy to blow dry my hair and I hate going to bed with wet hair. But if I'm gonna have time to shower in the morning I have to get up at 6 am and I'm to lazy for that. So shower at night it is. Then it's time for bed and watch some tv shows with J before it's time to sleep.

All of me

Oh God, I'm tired. The last time we looked it was 2 am and then back up again when the alarm sounded at 7 am. But I stayed in bed for a while.

We was in bed talking for a loooong while, for like three hours. Among other things what we want in life and the relationship and we both want the same thing. We want it to end up with us living together! That's where I see us in a couple of years and obviously him too. It feels nice that he is planning to stay, and are not only in it for the moment.

Today I have a meeting about the internship at 10 am. So I'm gonna be there just before 10 am and meet up with my case worker. And I'm soooo nervous. I've been home for over a year and I can't wait to do something and now it's so close. Of course I'm nervous.

After the meeting it's time to go home and fix stuff here. Then I'm gonna curl up on the couch for a while, there is a risk that I'm gonna fall asleep as well. I'm so tired that everything looks blurred so I think I need it.

The internship is coming closer

Yesterday my case worker called. The place that is looking for an intern was positive and want a meeting. So it seems like we are going there next tuesday. You'll have to cross your fingers for me!

Today I'm thinking about going back to bed after the kids have left for school. So much so that I haven't made any cooffee because then I can't go back to sleep no matter how tired I am. I think I'll have my coffee after I have been to the grocery store. Don't know what we are having for dinner yet, only that it will be something with chicken because I got that in the freezer.

After my trip to the grocery store I have to do some laundry, I don't think I do anything else and still the laundry basket is always full. 

Later today there will be a blog post about how I met J. I don't write that much about him but now he'll have a whole blogpost to himself. But it got kind of long, it's eight months I'm writing about.

Now I'm gonna get the kids ready for school. Maja is getting dressed but Leo is still at the breakfast table so I need to make sure he speeds it up a little.