Shit happens

What a bad start this day was. Up when the alarm went off and wake up Leo so he has time for a shower before school. Then back in to the bedroom to wake up J. Curl up close to him and I fall a sleep! I wake up when he gets up to get a shower and thinking that I will only stay one more minute, falls back to sleep and wakes up 7.30 am. Then there was no time to sit at the computer. Since J was in the shower I couldn't get ready then so I rolled a pack of cigarets while I waited. When he was done I got in there and made myself ready and then it was time to go.

After my internship I took the bus to the grocery store, then home to start get everything done. A never ending job. Once you are done it's time to start all over again. But now I'm waiting for the laundry to be done so I can hang it and then I'm done for today. I should vaccum but it has to wait until tomorrow. I'm always the most tired on tuesdays for some reason so when the laundry is done I'm gonna curl up on the couch under the blanket for a while.

Later there isn't much to do. The usual with cooking and doing the dishes. Oh how I long for a dishwasher. I'm so tired of doing the dishes. And it doesn't get any better when you are short and has to stand in some weird position, my back doesn't like that. It's worst when I do the dishes after dinner when there are so many thing, after breakfast it's not that much and goes fast. Not to mention how dry my hands are since I suck at using hand lotion.

When your heart breaks

Today it was hard getting up so I curled up with J for a while. That did that I missed some time but what does that matter? What I don't have time to do today I will do when I get home.

Yesterday when I was going to the store the munchkins dad called me, he wanted to talk about Leo. Leo had done something when he was there. He had said to Maja that he wanted to cut himself on a piece of glas he had found on the playground. And he have punched himself hard in the face before. And he says that sometimes he wants to die, and they pick at him in school. My little boy, my heart is breaking! So K had called and talked to a psychologist before he talked to me. And he was gonna call them again to make an appointment when we had talked but they didn't answer so he is gonna call them again today. I'm gonna call the school and they will have to fix this, if needed they will be with Leo all times in school to make sure nothing happens.

When Leo came home I told him that his dad had called and what we talked about. Leo then told me that in gym class someone had thrown his socks in the shower, so he didn't have any on him when he got home. That thing isn't suposed to happen! Where are all the adults and why hasn't anyone seen anything? I'm gonna call the school this morning and book an appointment with the teacher, me and K as soon as possible. This is something they have to figure out, everyone should feel safe at school. I can fight as much as I have to with anyone to make sure that Leo is safe in school. 

I told Leo that his dad and I are gonna do everything we can to make sure that he is ok and that school is good. But for that to happen he needs to talk to us and other adults in school when something happens even if it's hard. But that we are here and we love him and would do anything for him.

Today after the internship I'm going to get some nail oil. I need it to make sure they don't fall off, and I don't whant them to do that. Then it's the bus to the store and get what I need for dinner and then home to do laundry and some cleaning. I'm gonna try and get some time to curl up on the couch because I'm exhausted after yesterday. I tried to rest yesterday but there where thousands of thoughts in my head so I couldn't find peace to do that. So I'll try again today.

To start a phone

We went to bed at a reasonable time last night and yet I'm still tired. But at least I'm not seeing double like yesterday when I got up. I guess that's good.

Yesterday I was busy when I got home after the internship. I did two loads of laundry, cleaned, did the dishes and went to the grocery store. But I did get to sleep on the couch, I needed it. I woke up when J sat down beside me. At first I thought I was dreaming but it was him. I wondered why he hadn't called on the door phone but it was open so he had gotten in anyway. 

I'm gonna try to find time to sleep on the couch today as well, I still have laudry to take care of. I was supposed to do four loads yesterday but only did two since I fell a sleep, so the other two are left for today.

But first I need to go down town to drop of some papers. The bus are going straight down there and it takes only a minute to go from the bus to the office. I would like to get my money, I have about 1000 SEK I'm getting back for the buss and medicine. I'm gonna need those money for May when there are lots of birthdays, three if I'm counted right.

Today Kalle will go with Leo to Tuna Park. It keeps popping up on Leos phone that he has to put in his puk-code and that paper he has lost, of course. So Kalle will go with him to the Telenor store and we'll see if they can fix it, they are good at that store.

All of me

Oh God, I'm tired. The last time we looked it was 2 am and then back up again when the alarm sounded at 7 am. But I stayed in bed for a while.

We was in bed talking for a loooong while, for like three hours. Among other things what we want in life and the relationship and we both want the same thing. We want it to end up with us living together! That's where I see us in a couple of years and obviously him too. It feels nice that he is planning to stay, and are not only in it for the moment.

Today I have a meeting about the internship at 10 am. So I'm gonna be there just before 10 am and meet up with my case worker. And I'm soooo nervous. I've been home for over a year and I can't wait to do something and now it's so close. Of course I'm nervous.

After the meeting it's time to go home and fix stuff here. Then I'm gonna curl up on the couch for a while, there is a risk that I'm gonna fall asleep as well. I'm so tired that everything looks blurred so I think I need it.

Little meddlesome kids

Oh God how tired I was when the alarm sounded. I didn't wanna get up, insted I curled up against J for a few minutes. But that didn't make it any easier to get out of bed, I just wanted to stay there and cuddle for the rest of the morning. But with two munchkins at home I just have to forget that. Time to get up and start the coffee.

When there is no more coffee and I'm finished with the blog it's time for a hot shower, I'm so cold when I'm tired. This day will require a lot of make up, I can guarantee that. Lucky for me that I now have two mascaras, the one that went missing magicaly showed up again last night. Yesterday is also the day the munchkins came home from their dad. But both are saying they didn't take it so there is not much I can do. I can't punish both for what one of them did.

After my shower I need to go down town to drop of some papers so I can get my money and I need to refill my bus pass as well. I'm thinking of having lunch but I'm not sure about it. I will be there a bit to early for lunch I think, and it's so boring to eat alone.

I spent some time yesterday e-mailing back and forth with another company for a collaboration that went well. It's so much fun when things like that works out. But the first company that was so quick to reply and so positive for a collaboration haven't answered my last mail. I hope they will soon because I think it's the most fun of the collaborations I have had.

Best night ever

The meeting yesterday went great. He had some ideas of places to call so he was gonna start today. So now we are hoping that somethings happening soon. 

When I left I got a text from J asking how it went, and then he said he had something to tell me but it had to wait until he came here. What the fuck could that be? When he came here he gave me a big hug and wishpered in my ear "I love you". Can you imagine how long I have waited to hear that? He made me the happiest ever!

Today I managed to miss the alarm. I woke up at 7.50 in panic. Lucky for me I have big kids that still does what they are gonna do so they were ready for school. Now it's only me that is stressed because I need to take a shower before the breakfast group today.

Later today I need to think of something to eat and then go to the grocery store. I need to call about the washer not being balanced so that everything that stands on it falls down when I do the laundry plus that it hits the sink and I don't want it to break.

I think we can consider it done

Oh God I'm so glad I don't have to use the laundry room anymore, it didn't go as planed yesterday. The last load of laundry was gonna take 49 minutes but took 1½ hour so I didn't have time to put it in the dryer. Insted I had to unpack the new rack to hang the clothes on and put it in the middle of the living room. How nice that in the future I can use my own washing machine. It's not plugged in yet but I'm thinking of doing it myself, it can't be that hard.

Now they have inspected everything, but I don't now how it went, he mostly walked around muttering to himself. I showed him where they broke the mirror when they put in the bath tub so I guess they'll have to change that. Not my problem.

Today me and J are gonna put everything back in the hallway, take everything out that's in the living room but are suposed to be in the hallway. So nice to get my living room back and all the furniture out of there. Then I think the cats are coming home today, I think Kalle said something about it. I hope so. In that case I have to fix the new litter box as well so it's ready for them to get home.

Hopefully some renovation

I was so confused when my alarm went off and I couldn't stop it. But it wasn't my alarm, it was Js. But shortly after that my alarm went off and it was time to get up. 

I would rather go back in to bed when the munchkins have left for school but it tuesday and that means the breakfast group. I hope I get to stay a bit longer than the last time. But I have to leave a bit early because I have some paper to drop of and then I need to go to the store and get some cigarets. But God, the coffee will taste good.

After the breakfast group it's time to get home to get things done here. If I haven't already done it. Sometimes I have time to fix it all before I leave for the breakfast group, I have about an hour after the munchkins have left for school before I need to leave. 

This afternoon will be nice and quiet, I hope. I might have the home to take care of, or maybe I have already done it. 

Maja had her picture taken at the basketball practice last night. Great pictures but wow, they were expensive. Over 600 SEK for a package. So I guess I'll just order 2 pictures. One for me and one for Kalle. He wanted one too. I was thinking about ordering them this afternoon.

There isn't much happening with the renovation. Well, I can here them outside the apartment but here it's not happening that much. I hope the put in the porcelain today when I'm at the breakfast group. I'm longing for a toilet so I don't have to go out every time.

The coffee will taste great today

Sick house

The meeting yesterday went great, I got two more years. Min case worker had some places he was gonna call this week so now we are hoping for the best. The whole thing took no more than five minutes, then I went to the grocery store and then home and down under the covers. But couldn't fall a sleep so I gave up and got up again.

Last night me and J emptied the kitchen cabinet. They are gonna put in new electricity so the cabinet had to be emptied so that they can reach everything. But only one of the cabinets strangely enough even though the electricity goes through both cabinets. Oh well, that is their problem. I won´t even be home.

It´s Tuesday and that means the breakfast group. But I'm getting down there early because I need to go to the drugstore. This is the last day that I can get my meds for free so I need to get as much as I can so that I have what I need for a while.

After the breakfast group it's back home to drop everything off and then go to the store. That means I need to think of something to eat. I´m so sick of it.

J is still sleeping. He wasn't feeling that good last night so I'll take it that he is to sick to go to school today. I'm gonna let him sleep. If he is gonna stay home I can take the bus pass when I´m going down town to the drug store and the breakfast group. I hope I get the time to fill out my papers that I need to drop of so I get my money this month as well.

I think I´ll wear this one today

A day full of adventures

The adventures with the router continues. The one I bought worked great at Kalles, so he brought it back here again after I changed some settings on the phone. But no, that didn't work. Damn! But we thought of some things we are gonna try on thursdag. First my switch from my internet provider is soooo old, since 2008, so Kalle called BBB and they would send a new one. Then we will try to split it all (don´t even know what that is, ask Kalle) with another swith between the one from BBB and my router. That is how Kalle has it at home so we hope that it will give some result. If we are really lucky it's the switch that drags down the speed all along and not my old router. Then I can use my old one and return the new one and save the money for a new dishwasher. Well, if it doesn't work I still need to return the old one since it's not working here.

The bad luck continues at home as well. Leo was gonna go to the toilet before bed. Usually I'm not all that happy about him going alone with my keyes but he has done a great job so far so I let him go. Then it's Majas turn and she can't find the keyes. Of course Leo has forgotten them at the toilet. So I take the spare keyes and we went outside. Lucky for all of us my keyes where on the basin where he put them. I put them in my pocket and we went hoem again.

When we get close to the house I´m gonna take out the keyes from my pocket and one of the spare keyes falls to the ground. It has been snoving all night... Sent the kids home, cursed a lot and started looking. In deep snow. When I'm about to give up and just have to pay the 1200 SEK that a key costs I finally find it.

Tuesday today and Lilith has the breakfast group. I just wanna go back to bed. I'm so tired. We watched Paranormal Activity last night and I was scared to death. As always with those movies. So I'm so tired today, it takes a lot of energy to be that scared. But no, no sleep for me. The breakfast group it is. I´m gonna leave early so I have time to go to the drugstore before the breakfast group.

After that it´s time to go back home, drop of my bag and go to the grocery store. I need to think of something to eat as well. God, how I hate everything that has to do with food. Then home and take care of the apartment if I don't have time to do that before I go. If I´m lucky I have time left for a nap on the couch as well.

Got a new love

Yesterday I finally got the laundry done. So I guess that the laundry room is like the power to the front door, it doesn't work on weekends. Oh God I'm so tired of this renovation allready.

My new phone arrived yesterday! But we had some problems getting it to work. At first it wouldn't connect to Googles servers so I couldn't download any apps. Then the sim card was to big so Kalle had to go to Tuna Park and the Telenor store so they could cut it to the right size.

My head got so tired with fixing everything, it took an hour or two. Find and download all the apps, remember username and passwords for everything and so on and so on. But I finally got it all done. But I was so tired that we went to bed around 11 pm and I was sleeping before midnight.

Today it's the breakfast group for me. I would rather just get back in to bed and go back to sleep but nope, that ain't gonna happen. After the breakfastgroup I was gonna go home to my aunt and help her with her tablet but I got a sick Maja at home and don't wanna be away more than I have to so we have to do that some other time.

My new love

The second time this year

Oh how I hate my alarm! I had expected to wake up because the handymen came at 7 am but no. They still haven´t come. But I can here them in the house so they might show up soon.

Tuesday is the breakfastgroup. The second one this year, it started last week. I had planed to go make an appointment to get my nails done too, but we´ll see. I might just call there and make an appointment. I hope they have a spot open for tomorrow before lunch so I can get away from all the noise at home.

After the breakfastgroup it´s time to get home to think of something to eat for dinner and then go to the grocery store. Then home and get things done if I haven't had the time to do it before the breakfastgroup.

Back

Good morning! I'm back! I have had writers block for ever so we'll see how this goes lol.

Tuesday and it's the breakfast group at 10 am. Before that I need to have a shower and shave my legs. J is coming over tomorrow and is sleeping here.

Yes we are still dating, or what we are doing. Not sure lol. It has been three months now. He was here spending the night every night for a month. That was really nice. This week he will be here wednesday, friday and saturday. I miss him like fuck when he isn't here so I don't mind it becoming wednesday verry fast.

Finally some company

The summer holiday is over for this time. Leo is back at the community youth center before school starts next week. It's not that easy getting up in the morning I have to say. Out of two days we have overslept both days. But not that much that he is late getting there.

Today I'm gonna do some cleaning. Then a shower and some grocery shopping. I need to thing about something to eat as well.

Later today J is coming over. He is gonna stay here this week. It will be nice with some company in bed when you sleep. It's so boring sleeping alone. The only problem is that he is getting up early in the mornings, much more early than I am.

I wish we could have Chinese

When you tell time wrong

I first woke up at 10 am, I thought. Så I turned around and started to cuddle with J until I looked at my phone and saw that it was right before 8 am. So I went back to sleep and woke up right before 11 am.

When we got up there wasn't any kids at home. They had left with Kalle to go play Guitar hero. So me and J cuddled up on the couch and watched some 2 ½ men before he left. So now It's just me at home.

I'm gonna go put on some sweat pants and get going with the house work. I need to do some laundry and some cleaning. It's a warm day so I might have a cold cider tonight.

Refuse to get up

I first woke at 8 am but refused to get up so I went back to sleep and slept until 10 am insted.

Today is cleaning day at home. Boring as hell. I need to take a shower and shave my legs as well. But first of all I need to go to the store. We need some dinner. What we will have I don't know.

Tonight  J is coming over for some movies and some cuddles. He's spending the night. Nice. I like to hang out with him. He is cute and funny and makes me laugh.

Good girl

I overslept. I thought I woke up at 7 am but I woke up at 8 am. Good girl.

Yesterday I finally got a letter! He got moved so that's why I got my letters back. But now I have the right adress. I was so happy to finally hear from him.

I went and got a appointment for my next tattoo yesterday. July 1! I can't wait! And of course it's from a song by Linkin Park. What else?

Today it's the breakfast group. After that I'm getting my nails done. And then I need to buy Leo some new hoodies. I hope I get home before he does.

Like any other tuesday

I have slept like crap. Woke up 4 times during the night so I was a zombie when the alarm went off.

Tuesday and it's the breakfast group, I'll think I'll walk there even tho it's the most boring road ever. And after that I'm shopping for birthday presents for Leo, his birthday is on friday. Then the bus to the grocery store to get something for dinner. Don't know what yet.

But before all that I need to send the kids to school, have a shower and get ready.

The pain!

Yesterday was a painful day. I got an UTI that hurts like hell. I get them from time to time. So I spent my whole day drinking lots of water and waiting for it to be today so I could call the doctor. But all that water must have helped because I feel a lot better today. So no doctor for me.

Insted I'm going to the breakfast group, it's tuesday. I think I'll walk there since I don't have time for a powerwalk, I need to shower as well before I leave. When we are done I'm going to the store to get some groceries for dinner. We are having taco gratin.

Can't wait for summer

Happy birthday!

My baby girl is turning 11 today! She is getting so big. She's already to big to give her mother a kiss good night.

I need to go on a powerwalk today, haven't been on one of those in ages. So it's time. I hate them, but at least I have my audio books to keep me company. I will go 6 km today I think. My usual powerwalk.

When I get home it's time for a shower and go to the store. But today dinner is easy, we will have Majas favorite since it's her birthday. We will have Swedish hash. Poor Leo and me, we hate it.