A time off

I called the school yesterday morning and talked to Leos teacher and she was verry upset and promised to deal with it right now, she would talk to both Leo and the kids that are picking on him. It felt good that she took it like that. So when Leo came home I asked him how school was and it had been good. How nice! And K had talked to the psychologist and they are gonna send home an appointment so he can come and talk to someone.

After my internship I went to the drugstore to buy some oil for my nails and omg how expensive it was. 109 SEK for a tiny bottle of oil. But since I don't want my nails to fall off I just payed and looked happy. Then I went to the grocery store and got what we needed for dinner and then back home to do what needed to be done at home. I even had time to curl up on the couch before J came over.

Today we are having a day off. The school is closed and so are the community youth center so Leo didn't have anywhere to go when I was at my internship. So we took day at home. When I got out of bed the water was turned off so no morning coffee for me, I'm having it now insted when the water came back. Then it's time for a shower before I'm going to the grocery store and find something for dinner. Then it's the every day stuff like doing the laundry, dishes and so on. Oh god, a dish washer is on the top of my wish list.

When your heart breaks

Today it was hard getting up so I curled up with J for a while. That did that I missed some time but what does that matter? What I don't have time to do today I will do when I get home.

Yesterday when I was going to the store the munchkins dad called me, he wanted to talk about Leo. Leo had done something when he was there. He had said to Maja that he wanted to cut himself on a piece of glas he had found on the playground. And he have punched himself hard in the face before. And he says that sometimes he wants to die, and they pick at him in school. My little boy, my heart is breaking! So K had called and talked to a psychologist before he talked to me. And he was gonna call them again to make an appointment when we had talked but they didn't answer so he is gonna call them again today. I'm gonna call the school and they will have to fix this, if needed they will be with Leo all times in school to make sure nothing happens.

When Leo came home I told him that his dad had called and what we talked about. Leo then told me that in gym class someone had thrown his socks in the shower, so he didn't have any on him when he got home. That thing isn't suposed to happen! Where are all the adults and why hasn't anyone seen anything? I'm gonna call the school this morning and book an appointment with the teacher, me and K as soon as possible. This is something they have to figure out, everyone should feel safe at school. I can fight as much as I have to with anyone to make sure that Leo is safe in school. 

I told Leo that his dad and I are gonna do everything we can to make sure that he is ok and that school is good. But for that to happen he needs to talk to us and other adults in school when something happens even if it's hard. But that we are here and we love him and would do anything for him.

Today after the internship I'm going to get some nail oil. I need it to make sure they don't fall off, and I don't whant them to do that. Then it's the bus to the store and get what I need for dinner and then home to do laundry and some cleaning. I'm gonna try and get some time to curl up on the couch because I'm exhausted after yesterday. I tried to rest yesterday but there where thousands of thoughts in my head so I couldn't find peace to do that. So I'll try again today.

When dealing with an idiot

God, this morning it was hard to get out of bed. I stayed there for 15 minutes before I got up. The nicest 15 minutes in a long time.

I went through the curtains yesterday, finally. It went fast. I kept two pairs and the other ones went back in the garbage disposal bags. Mom  wanted back the ones I didn't want so they went down in the basement until she can get them. I also cleared out the box with the shelf for the bathroom and some other stuff and threw out what I didn't wanna keep. So now the living room is cleared.

Today I will get to work on the kitchen. The tiles over the stove needs a good scrubbing, it looks terrible. Then most of the stuff is done here. If I'm lucky I will have time to curl up on the couch for a while. I didn't do that yesterday because I got stuck with my nose in a book. That was nice, and a long, long time since I last did it. There I stayed until it was time to make dinner.

I got a text from the munchkins dad last night. Now he has booked their summer vacation but ouuuups it was my weekend so can he take them? Don't you check those things before you book it? That would be the normal thing to do, but he doesn't. It was that whole communication thing. Of course I will let the munchkins go, that's not it. It's just so disrespectful to just book everything before he talked to me to see if it's ok that he takes them. He doesn't know what I have planned for the summer.

So angry

God, I'm so mad. When Leo came home yesterday he wanted to talk so we did. He was happy enough with the answers he got on why he have to come home from dad on mondays. But then he says that K has tried to call me and text me to talk about the kids being there every other week. Eeeeh, excuse me. It's the other way around. I don't get an answer when I call and if I text him it can take up to three or for days before he answers it. I texted him yesterday about how it went with Leo at the dentist and still no answer.

Right now it's snowing again. But lucky for me it doesn't stay on the ground. It's a good thing that my internship isn't far away. But in this weather it's farther away than I would have wanted. Let's see if I can find my umbrella. I'm thinking about getting my winter jacket on my way out.

After the internship I'll take the bus to the store to get some dinner. Today we are having salmon and mashed potatoes. They had cheap salmon this week. It's something we love har but doesn't eat that often.

Then a quick walk home and start some laundry. Now the laundry basket is full again even though it feels like I don't do anything else but laundry.

Splinter in my soul

It sucks a little to have to get up at 6.30 when the kids aren't home. But when it's time for the internship it is. I have to think that I'm getting paid to go there, even if it's not a lot of money it's still money.

I suspect that K have been whispering in the kids ears again because an upset Leo called yesterday and wanted to stay for a few more day. I told him like it is, that he can't. I think that it's something that I and K should of have talked about because I know that he knows that Leo called me. Then he should have told Leo that it is something for me and K to discuss.

I would love it if me and K could communicate so good that the kids could be there every other week, but like it is now it's not gonna happen. How are we gonna talk about school trips, visits to the dentist and everything else when he doesn't call me and doesn't answer when I call? You just can't. And that is why I in court asked about help when we had the custody battle. And we still haven't gone on any meetings to learn how to communicate, three years later. That alone shows why every other week doesn't work when there is zero communication. I expect K to call me and talk, but no. As I said, zero communication. I honestly don't know what to do. I want to listen to what the kids want, but in this situation it doesn't work. But still, they are so big now that they should have some say in everything. This situation is not funny.

I was a bit upset after that call and it didn't get any better when Maja texted me about the same thing. She, who just recently started going to her dad on every other weekend texted and wanted to stay longer, and are using the same phrases as K does. No, then I think someone has been whispering in her ear. And that made me even more upset. So I texted J and asked him to come over, it was a few hours left before he would come and I didn't want to be alone. He answered that he would come over right away, and he did.

He is a big support in all of this. He listens, comes with advise and supports me. Lets me curl up in his arms and cover me in kisses and hugs me. What else could I ask for? I´m so lucky for having him.

I'm gonna wake him up at 8 am but before that I have stuff to do. I need to get ready and put on my make up, and call about my pipes in the bathroom. There is a leakage just under the roof. I don't think that they have tightend the pipes hard enough when they put them in. If I'm lucky I have time to do stuff around the apartment before it's time to leave. I need to think of something to eat so I can just take the bus to the grocery store when I'm done for the day at my internship. I was gonna go to the pharmacy as well when I'm there, I need to get more of my sleeping pills. I took the last ones last night when we went to bed.

At the internship

Things that makes me feel bad

It has stopped snowing! It makes my powerwalking so much more easier.

Maja came home from practice yesterday and told me she has two games on Sunday! Great! Except that it is in another city. I have a fobia for riding in cars in the winter, long story, so imagine going down the highway. It makes me wanna throw up just thinking about it so I guess I have to miss this one. I feel so bad about it. But she knows how I feel, she has seen me when we go somewhere just here in town. So she said she is ok with it. And she will have Kalle with her to cheer her on.

Leo has his weekend with his dad and is coming home on monday. Maja is still nog going and her dad doesn't seem to care. He hasn't contacted her once and wasn't even going to wish her merry christmas. And she didn't even get one, small christmas gift from him. Like I said, he doesn't care.

So as usual when Leo goes we are gonna have a weekend that is all about her, to make her feel that she is important no matter what her father does, or don't do. That means chips and a movie tonight, she gets to pick what we will have for dinner on saturday (I have already bought todays dinner), and on sunday she has her basketball.

I get so upset

Good Lilith, forgot to set the alarm. Lucky for me I have to two alarms, so half past six my other alarm went off and it was time to get up. 

I almost lost it yesterday. Went to get Leo and it has been a blizzard all day. In to the community youth center, pick up Leo and he gets dressed. Or he gets his jacket, because he didn't have any thermal trousers with him. The poor thing has gone all day without proper winter clothes. And it's not the first time it has happen. And he hadn't showered all weekend at his dads. So the poor thing got a hot shower so he got warm and clean. I was so upset thinking about him out in the blizzard so cold.

And it's not use trying to talk to his dad. He doesn't pick up the phone when I call or answer texts.

Today it is the breakfast group. It's cold and slippery outside but I'm still going to walk there. Then on the bank. I need some papers and close one of my accounts. 

Maja the poor thing got sick yesterday. Her inhaler was put to good use because she couldn't breath. She had a cold but not a fever. But nog school for her today. Unfortunately she missed her practice yesterday. We'll see if she can practice on thursday.